Difficult conversations are called that for a reason. They’re painful—for you and the other person.
Here’s how to make them suck a bit less:
First: your goal isn’t to make the conversation painless. It’s to be honest, clear, and respectful while staying true to what you need to say.
When you’re gearing up for a tough discussion, remind yourself of this: it’s OK if it’s not pleasant. It’s OK if it feels uncomfortable.
What’s not OK? Avoiding what needs to be said.
To help make these conversations easier, focus on three things:
1) Say what you need to say. Be clear about the issue and why you’re raising it.
2) Own your feelings and position. Share your perspective, don’t make it about blame. Use “I” statements like “I feel …”, “I think …”, “I worry …”). Avoid “you” statements like “You always …” or “You don’t …” .
3) Set boundaries. Be upfront about how you see things moving forward. State what you are (and aren’t) willing to do, and what you are asking from the other party.
In a difficult conversation you won’t get it perfect. Just try to handle your side with class and honesty. You’ll feel much better afterwards knowing you handled it as best you could —even if it was uncomfortable in the moment.
Want more advice on difficult conversations? Check out this article on delivering bad news at work.
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