Apologising doesn’t make you weak

When was the last time you apologised for something at work? If you can’t remember, consider: are you perfect, or are you not apologising for some other reason?

I’ve noticed that some people in management roles don’t like to apologise. But this approach is dead wrong.

Even though it’s wrong, it is understandable. Most of the time it’s not even deliberate. Most of us want to feel strong and confident, and we want others to view us this way. Admitting (to ourselves and others) that we were wrong about something can challenge those feelings.

Unfortunately, failing to apologise when you’ve made a mistake is more likely to damage your credibility. Colleagues and team members start to think you’re insecure, afraid to own up.

On the flip side, a good apology shows that you’re self-aware and mature enough to admit when something’s gone wrong. It builds trust. People are more likely to respect and follow someone who can acknowledge their mistakes and fix them. That’s the kind of leadership people respect.

Apologise to build trust and respect

When managers don’t apologise, it creates a culture where people are afraid to speak up. They see their leader dodging responsibility, and they start doing the same.

Managers should lead by example on this. If you make a mistake, own it. If you don’t, you’re setting the wrong standard. It tells people you’re more concerned about your ego than the team’s success.

On the flip side, a good apology shows that you’re self-aware and mature enough to admit when something’s gone wrong. It builds trust.

People are more likely to respect and follow someone who can acknowledge their mistakes and fix them. That’s the kind of leadership people respect and respond to.

Get the balance right

To be clear, I’m not advocating for apologising all the time. There’s a balance to strike. Some people over-apologise, even for things outside of their control. That’s not helpful either. Apologising too much dilutes the impact of a genuine apology.

Apologies should be saved for when you’ve truly made an error. Not every little inconvenience requires one.

And certainly not when something goes wrong that you couldn’t have predicted or prevented. If someone else made a mistake or an external factor caused the issue, you don’t need to say sorry for that.

Don’t apologise for the sake of it. You want it to mean something when you do.

When to apologise

So, how do you determine when an apology is necessary? Here are some questions to consider:

• Did your action or decision directly lead to the issue?
• Has the issue actually caused some harm or inconvenience to others?
• Was it a genuine mistake on your part, something you overlooked?
• Was it within your control to prevent or manage the situation better?
• Do you look back and wish you’d done things differently?

If you answered ‘yes’ to most or all the above, then an apology is probably warranted.

But, if the problem stems from someone else’s actions, or factors beyond your influence, or you don’t think you should have done things differently, an apology might not be appropriate or warranted. In those cases, it’s better to focus on what you can do to support the resolution rather than saying sorry unnecessarily.

How to apologise

When you do need to apologise, how you approach it is important. A good apology is straightforward, succinct and shouldn’t be defensive. Here’s a simple formula for an effective apology:

1. Acknowledge the mistake. Be specific. People need to know you understand what went wrong.
2. Take responsibility. Don’t pass the blame or make excuses.
3. Explain how you’ll fix it. Show you’re committed to making things right.
4. Demonstrate learning. Say what you’ll do differently when next faced with a similar situation.
5. Move on. Apologise, correct the mistake, and don’t dwell on it.

Here’s a quick script to follow:

“I made an error in [specific situation]. I should have [what you should have done instead]. This led to [describe the impact]. I take full responsibility for this and I’m sorry for the mistake. Here’s what I’m doing to resolve things and make sure it doesn’t happen again [keep this brief].”

That’s it. No excuses, no finger-pointing. Just clear ownership and a plan to resolve the issue.