Are you hard on behaviour but soft on people?
You should be. Here’s why 👇.
Most people most of the time are trying their best.
When people stuff up, it’s rarely out of malice.
Remember Hanlon’s Razor: “never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity” (or a bunch of other very human things).
When people are doing the wrong thing, it’s often simply because they’re struggling.
Struggling to fit in.
Struggling be feel valued.
Struggling to trust those around them.
Struggling to find purpose in their work
Struggling to cope with whatever situation they find themselves in (whether in or out of work).
Should people still be held accountable for their actions? Absolutely.
We should all be held accountable for any action (or inaction) that causes meaningful harm to organisational objectives or other people.
But there’s an important difference between judging someone’s actions and judging someone’s character.
We need to account for our attribution bias: we tend to judge other’s by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.
My old boss and enduring friend, steve wade, used to urge us to be hard on the behaviour, soft on the person.
This is the essence of kindness.
I find we so often under or over-shoot this.
When we undershoot, we focus too much on friendliness. We avoid accountability and difficult conversations to prioritise harmony.
When we overshoot, we act like hard arse dictators, coming down hard on task and person. We judge people’s character and write them off as “lazy”, “bad apples” etc. This is black and white thinking. It ignores any environmental, circumstantial and historical factors that might be driving someone’s short term behaviour.
In both cases, we rob both the organisation and the individual of the improvement they need and deserve. There’s nothing kind or helpful about that.
So, next time you find yourself getting frustrated – even angry – at someone’s behaviour (or inaction), pause and think about what might be going on for them.
Even when you feel deeply let down, approach the situation with curiosity.
And have the courage to communicate clearly and directly about their behaviour, the impact it’s having on others and the consequences of it continuing.
This will lead to better performance – and relationships – over the long term.
Want to drive better behaviours and culture in your team?
Try our free Above and Below the Line Behaviours Poster, which promotes a more positive culture and workplace.
Impact Society
Above + below the line behaviours poster
Use this free poster to coach your team on the behaviours that promote effectiveness, connection and engagement.
