It breaks my heart how often people would sooner sacrifice something they love – for example, a job or a relationship – than have a difficult conversation.
Difficult conversations are difficult.
And vulnerability is scary.
But a life less than the one we’re capable of living – a life dotted with relationships and jobs that we love less than we could – is scarier.
It might be easier in some ways, but it won’t be better.
As Nelson Mandela said, “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living”.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living”
Nelson Mandela
Avoiding difficult conversations is prioritising short term comfort over long term fulfilment. It’s playing small. It’s settling for a life less than the one we’re capable of living.
And I know this, because I’ve done it. Less and less now. But not never either. And I know I’m the worse for it.
Instead of running away from hard conversations, we can help ourselves by:
- Reminding ourselves that we’ve survived every conversation to this point in our life
- Learning about how best to approach a difficult conversation (the book Crucial Conversations is an excellent starting point)
- Seeking coaching (from a coach, a therapist or a mentor) to help us prepare
- Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes: a difficult conversation is often an act of kindness to the other person, who may wish to address whatever’s bothering you
- Uncomfortable conversations are the price of admission to meaningful relationships
Ultimately though, we need to bite the bullet and start the conversation. And trust ourselves to manage it.
That first step is often the most difficult. But it usually gets easier once we start. And goes better than we’d feared.
And – every time we do it – we get better at it.
And we move closer to the life we’re capable of living.
